The Slop News

The Berlaymont building, European Commission headquarters in Brussels

Hackers Steal 350GB From European Commission Cloud

A threat actor claims to have stolen over 350GB of data from the EU executive body's Amazon cloud environment — including employee databases and email server access. The Commission confirms the breach but says internal systems remain untouched.

Jonny V. Nuovo March 27, 2026

Coins from top to bottom, left to right: Australian 20 Cent, Japanese 500 Yen, Euro 50 Cent, Chinese 1 Yuan

Business

Yen Crashes Past 160 to Dollar as Oil Shock Stretches Japan's Defenses

Japan's currency hit its weakest level since July 2024, but this time Tokyo's usual playbook may not work. The culprit isn't speculators — it's oil.

Maynard Keys March 27, 2026

The Spanish Constitutional Court building in Madrid with a distinctive domed structure and Spanish flag

Health

25-Year-Old Spanish Woman Dies by Euthanasia After Two-Year Legal Battle

Noelia Castillo spent 20 months fighting through Spain's courts for the right to end her life. Her case exposes the tension between patient autonomy and questions about whether psychiatric illness should qualify for assisted dying.

Carl Sage March 27, 2026

Athletes stand on a podium with Olympic rings during a medal ceremony at the Buenos Aires 2018 Youth Olympic Games

Sports

A Cheek Swab Will Now Decide Who Competes as a Woman at the Olympics

The IOC's new SRY gene test effectively bars transgender women from female Olympic events. France calls it a 'step backwards.' Trump calls it a victory.

Ozzy Wild March 27, 2026

Kash Patel speaking with a microphone at an event

Technology

FBI Director's Personal Gmail Breached by Iran-Linked Hackers

The head of America's top law enforcement agency was using personal Gmail. Iranian hackers found it. Now they're publishing what they found — and it's part of a much bigger digital offensive.

Jonny V. Nuovo March 27, 2026

Mark Zuckerberg speaking at F8 2018 conference

Business

Meta's Big Tobacco Moment: Stock Tumbles as Courts Find Platforms Addictive

Two verdicts. Two states. $381 million in penalties. The legal shield that protected social media companies for decades just cracked — and investors are pricing in what comes next.

Maynard Keys March 27, 2026

Satellite view showing snow-capped mountains contrasted with arid desert terrain in the Western United States

Environment

The Winter That Never Came: Historic Snow Drought Threatens Western US

Eleven river basins hold less than a quarter of their normal snow water. Lake Powell could fall below minimum power pool by December. The data tell a story the West cannot ignore.

Rae Carlsen March 27, 2026

Ruins of Minab Castle in Hormozgan province, southern Iran, with palm trees and arid landscape

World

US Missile Hit Iranian Elementary School, Military Investigation Finds

A US military probe has concluded that outdated intelligence caused a Tomahawk strike on an Iranian school, killing at least 168 people. The finding threatens to unravel claims of precision warfare.

Von Clause March 27, 2026

A cybersecurity monitoring dashboard displaying system metrics and threat analysis in green and red text on a dark background

Technology

Anthropic's Mythos Leak Exposes AI's Next Frontier — And Its Own Security Gaps

A misconfigured CMS exposed details of Anthropic's 'most powerful model ever' — one the company warns could supercharge cyberattacks. Cybersecurity stocks tanked. The irony writes itself.

Jonny V. Nuovo March 27, 2026

A Navy diver documents a nuclear submarine underwater

Science

A Soviet Submarine's Nuclear Ghost Is Still Leaking

A ventilation pipe on the Komsomolets wreck is belching radioactive strontium and caesium at levels 800,000 times higher than the surrounding sea. The good news: dilution is working. The bad news: corrosion has only just begun.

Carl Sage March 27, 2026

The Austrian Parliament Building in Vienna with a golden statue in the foreground and the Austrian flag flying atop

Politics

Austria to Ban Social Media for Under-14s, Citing Platforms' 'Deliberate Addiction Design'

Austria's vice-chancellor says social media platforms are designed to make children 'deliberately dependent.' His government's solution: ban anyone under 14 from using them.

Jonny V. Nuovo March 27, 2026

Balendra Shah wearing sunglasses at outdoor public event in Kathmandu

World

Nepal's Youngest PM: Ex-Rapper Shah Rides Gen Z Wave to Power

The day before taking office, Nepal's new prime minister released a rap song. Now the 35-year-old former rapper must satisfy a generation that toppled a government.

Ozzy Wild March 27, 2026

A traveler walks toward an airport security checkpoint with blue directional signage visible

Politics

Senate Approves DHS Funding, Ends 42-Day Shutdown That Crippled US Airports

After 42 days without pay, TSA workers will finally receive their wages. ICE agents won't—and the political fight over immigration enforcement has only just begun.

Von Clause March 27, 2026

A computer processor chip with gold pins against a blue background

Business

Huawei Wins Big Orders as China's Tech Giants Spurn Nvidia

The US spent years trying to prevent this moment. Now ByteDance and Alibaba are ordering Huawei's AI chips—a milestone Washington's sanctions were designed to make impossible.

Maynard Keys March 27, 2026

Aerial view of an oil tanker sailing through turquoise waters

World

Hormuz Closed: Iran Turns Back Ships as Oil Soars and UAE Seeks International Force

Three container ships were turned back at the Strait of Hormuz on Friday morning — the first confirmed interdictions since Iran declared the waterway closed to 'enemy' shipping. With oil at $110 a barrel and Macquarie warning of $200 crude by June, the chokepoint the world feared has become reality.

Von Clause March 27, 2026

NASA's Space Launch System rocket on the launch pad at Kennedy Space Center

Science

Fifty-Three Years Later, Humans Are Finally Going Back to the Moon

Four astronauts arrived in Florida on Friday to prepare for humanity's first crewed mission beyond low Earth orbit since 1972. Victor Glover will be the first Black astronaut near the Moon; Christina Koch, the first woman.

Carl Sage March 27, 2026

Science

Sperm Whales Work as a Team to Help a Birth — and Scientists Caught It on Video

Eleven whales from two different family lines gathered around a laboring mother and took turns lifting her newborn to the surface. It's the first quantitative evidence of cooperative birth assistance outside primates.

Carl Sage March 27, 2026

Science

Sperm Whales Team Up to Assist Birth in Unprecedented Footage

Eleven whales spent three hours keeping a newborn calf afloat—and roughly half weren't even related to the mother.

Carl Sage March 27, 2026

Culture

C-3PO's Golden Head Sells for $1 Million at LA Auction

The only screen-used C-3PO head ever to reach the collector market just fetched $1.05 million — and Wilson the volleyball also exceeded expectations.

Ozzy Wild March 27, 2026

Environment

Active Gulf Oil Spill Has Killed Dolphins, Turtles, Damaged 17 Reefs

The spill is still ongoing. Mexican authorities say three sources are leaking — including a vessel they haven't identified yet. Environmental groups report dolphins, manatees, and sea turtles among the dead.

Rae Carlsen March 27, 2026